1. There can never be too much love in the world

You can't take away that if you let go of it, it will disappear. I had a client tell me after the divorce in New York; I told these kids that their parents had no choice to separate because my client's mother was an abusive alcoholic, and they were afraid to leave when there was someone better available. The lesson here was that these kids who grew up in dysfunctional families needed to be treated like kings because they were so powerless. They needed to be admired in return…. and I didn't tell them that they were kings and queens.

2. You need a Plan to Deal with Children (and Other Things)

Children don't have the ability to decide how and how much they give. You need to be a plan B- for yourself, for your family and for your children. There are many things we don't realize our children may be thinking of doing and they need to know that what they are thinking, they can't do. In particular, kids need to know that you can't just force someone to leave. You can't take the child's toys, bedtime stories, or whatever they have. You can no longer force them to do things… You need to use the time you have left wisely to deal with things. If the child needs help to make up problems that they brought on themselves, or they need some outside help, it's probably best to use it responsibly when the situation arises. Your kids will feel that you are not in a position to force them to take care of their problems because you were forced to take care of your problems.

3. Let go that control is the Way

If anyone is going to hold you to the same standards as your ex, it is the kids. They need to know that if you let them play one way before your divorce, they can also play that way after your divorce. In many of these kids' lives this is the one lesson you'll see them learn the most; they don't know how to be different without being told to be different, or that they don't deserve the same as the other kids on their playground. There is no reason why you have to limit your kids or make rules for them. Kids will want to be like their big brothers and brothers. It's okay to tell them they can be what they want, but only if they give a good performance.

It's impossible to plan for everything all the time. The truth is that we can only take care of what we are able to, at least one way. It's often better to trust your kids to know that you were not expecting that from them then to be upset that they don't follow your expectations.

Remember that when you divorce your ex you aren't divorcing them. You are divorcing your past. You are also divorcing your children's upbringing, and all those decisions they made about their relationship with their parents because you don't know the relationship that exists between those other adults and those children.

You can be sure that while you are single, you will be single for a lot longer than many of your former wives and husbands were married to. You have no idea what will lead a girl to choose a new relationship, or a young guy to meet the right woman.